This article is part of our Voices of Youth series, which features stories written by youth with guidance from Second Wave staff mentors. This article is written by student journalist Simranjit Kaur.

People from non-Asian communities may not always understand the cultural factors that impact domestic violence survivors from South Asian and other marginalized communities. Komal Kaur, a domestic violence advocate and social justice activist, works with survivors across the Midwest to address the unique barriers that minority survivors of domestic violence face. 

The South Asian diaspora refers to those who have South Asian ancestry, living outside South Asia. South Asian culture tends to be collectivist. Common themes of family honor, shame, and limited support can cause struggles for the diaspora throughout America. Topics related to reproductive health and gender-based violence often exist in a silo of shame, silence, and taboo, which can make it difficult for those who experience domestic violence in their relationships to seek help. 

Although the South Asian diaspora is diverse, the emphasis on family is common. In a 2024 article, published clinical psychologist and mental health advocate Jyothsna Bhat explains that collectivist communities involve traits like "pleasing parents and respecting their wishes." She writes that these community values "can be admirable and honorable in some cases, but in others can lead to devastating circumstances." 

Such cultural expectations in the diaspora are often fueled by gender, sexism, cultural ideologies, or religion, and survivors of abuse can find "themselves in a cycle of expectation and guilt," says Bhat. 

Non-South-Asian folks might question why people experiencing domestic violence can't just leave the abusive situation. Shame and family honor is a persistent cultural barrier throughout the South Asian community. Kaur’s efforts reveal how domestic violence narratives may not always include people of marginalized identities, falling outside a Western orientation. Working and being Punjabi-Sikh, Kaur explains, "Culture and this idea of … the value of your family really deters a lot of people from seeking services because they’re just thinking of shame — they’re not thinking of justice."

There is a need to recognize how all marginalized identities influence abusive experiences. Inclusivity helps bridge the gap between all survivors and advocates. Without cultural inclusion, a predominantly white perspective may not always understand the abuse from a minority perspective. Domestic violence isn’t always limited to physical behaviors. Emotionally and psychologically abusive behaviors must be treated with the same caution and care as physically abusive behaviors. This can become even more complex when combined with added stigmas around abuse like those that exist in South Asian culture. 

Joseph Huff is a third-year college student in Arizona. Given his Black and LGBTQ+ identity, he understands cultural prejudice in white spaces. Although Huff isn’t from the South Asian diaspora, as a minority, he demonstrates how cultural narratives may influence larger understanding of domestic violence.

Huff’s abusive relationship wasn't limited to physical harm. It also involved emotional abuse, which Huff says he didn’t realize until after the relationship ended. In 2024, during the relationship's early stages, his former partner pushed him into a pool’s shallow end, leaving him with scraped hands and knees. He still has scars a year later. "Every time I look at them, it's like a reminder," he says.

Exiting the pool, Huff recalls feeling shocked and uncertain. Rather than asking if Huff was okay, his partner mocked him, telling him to ask for "Vagisil" as he sought first aid. Huff’s ex would minimize his concerns, reducing their interactions to "rough play." 

Huff says he struggled with the idea of accepting that what he went through was psychological abuse. The abuse, Huff said, wasn’t always apparent. "It was abusive behind closed doors," he says.

When it came to seeking support, Huff’s marginalized identities added a layer of complexity. "LGBTQ+ people are often ridiculed for their romantic and sexual choices," he says, adding that many even indicate that abuse is "deserved."

Huff’s story emphasizes the need for domestic violence advocacy that reflects the experiences of people from all cultures and identity backgrounds. His experience highlights the importance of the kind of culturally sensitive work that Kaur is doing to include various marginalized Midwestern communities. 

Kaur addresses domestic violence impacting such survivors. She reaffirms that survivors may undermine their abusive trauma. 

" I see this very, very often with young women. It's that we're trying to put our trauma and the abuse faced on a scale, and when we start putting things on a scale, … this wasn't bad enough, but this was super bad. Don't diminish what you have gone through," she says. 

Although Kaur notes such common behavior from young women, survivors — like Huff — may share similar struggles.

Community-based solutions: Hearing from Komal Kaur

Kaur's professional journey began as a licensed special education teacher but she now focuses on working with Indiana’s underrepresented groups, including Sikh-Punjabi communities. She is a community organizer, with a master's degree in social work from Indiana University in Indianapolis. As a Punjabi Sikh herself, she understands the nuances of South Asian culture. Kaur is CEO of Zara Consulting Group, and the president of an organization called Umeed-Hope (the word "Umeed" is a Punjabi word for hope).  Last year she also served as volunteer professor of philosophy and religion at Franklin College. It’s no surprise she comes from a family of what she lovingly describes as "social justice warriors."

Kaur describes how a shooting at an Indianapolis Fedex facility in April 2021 impacted her on many levels.

"After the shooting, I came back to provide mental health support because we had a lot of uncles, aunties, …that had hardcore PTSD. The facility was 80-90% Punjabi Sikh" and elderly workers, she says.

Kaur notes advocacy is "conversation-based work, especially with more vulnerable populations," where recognizing abuse cycles is important. Conversational support circles are one way to bridge the divide between the cultures.

"Way too often we start with the assumption that people understand what abuse is, because in the Western sphere it is spoken about more. But with our [South Asian] community, they have to recognize patterns of normalized abuse before even getting there," Kaur says.

By understanding this cultural nuance, South Asian survivors can share their stories without abuse stereotypes or cultural barriers overpowering the narratives. 

Kaur notes, "because we’re mainly out of the Midwest you either get pockets of brown [South Asian] people or you’re just in a sea of white people, so it’s very interesting maneuvering these spaces."

Kaur’s work also expands beyond the South Asian diaspora to foster inclusiveness to marginalized communities as a whole.

Umeed-Hope is a Sikh-led mutual aid organization rooted in solidarity with all marginalized communities. Umeed-Hope’s website describes its mission as working collectively to dismantle injustice, cultivate equity, and provide collective care. Kaur also leads the organization's mental health wing, facilitates support groups, plans accessibility initiatives, and works with abuse survivors.

Umeed-Hope also partners with local organizations and volunteers to organize a "Mutual Aid Resource Sharing" initiative connecting individuals with "essential resources, such as food, shelter, mental health support, and legal assistance." 

Umeed-Hope’s work focuses on providing domestic violence crisis support and accessibility. The website’s "Resources" tab illustrates an infographic that outlines various kinds of abuse behaviors to help people recognize them. Umeed-Hope’s Peer Mental Health Team also curates other resources available through the organization, like direct contact information for the National Sexual Assault Hotline, medical support, and legal intervention tips. They also provide training workshops where experts and community leaders are invited to "empower community members to understand and combat systemic oppression, including topics like gender-based violence," according to the organization's website. 

Kaur says that people, especially men, who are raised in patriarchal cultures  "don't understand the culture that they're upholding is actually taking the autonomy away from women that they're supposed to be respecting and caring about. ... We end up becoming enablers without recognizing that we are becoming enablers."

Kaur's advice to survivors is "Don’t ever minimize abuse that you have gone through," or say "it wasn’t that bad" when boundaries are violated in any situation. 

"If we’re not focusing on prevention, education, and addressing all the things [leading] to domestic violence occurring, then we’re not actually focused on the root cause of domestic violence in the first place," she says. 

Perhaps we all need a little umeed — a little hope that the organization fosters with its advocacy. 

Caroline Bissonnette served as Simranjit's mentor on this article.